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  Again

  Brandy Jeffus

  Copyright © 2013 Brandy Jeffus

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictionally. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or person, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

  www.bookwormbrandy.blogspot.com

  Cover art & design by: Stephanie White of Steph’s Cover Design

  http://stephscoverdesign.wordpress.com

  Dedicated to Mama & Daddy, my #1 fans, my husband Josh for putting up with the click-clacking of the laptop keyboard and my precious children, Lexi and JJ, who waited patiently while I finished ‘one more page’. I love you!

  I have found the one whom my soul loves.

  Song of Solomon 3:4

  Prologue

  Fifth Anniversary ~ January of Senior Year

  "Where are we going?" Bonnie asked. She dog-eared the book she was reading and sat it on her lap, "This seems far. You know I've got some studying to do."

  "We're close. I promise." Eli replied. He looked at his girlfriend. She was beautiful in every way. Every time he saw her, that single thought flew across his mind. Today, her butterscotch hair was up in a ponytail and she was wearing a light blue sundress. He reached over and held her pale hand, rubbing his thumb over each light-pink polished nail. She rolled her eyes playfully and smiled.

  Ten minutes later, he pulled his '88 squirrel gray Chevy into a dirt driveway and parked beside a small, but sturdy brick house. The lake stretched out beyond the house.

  "Alright, loop me in. Where are we?" Bonnie’s curiosity was peaked as she climbed out of the truck, the door creaking and groaning. She turned around and let loose an admiring sigh.

  "This is my grandparents’ old house before they moved into town. Pops said I could come here anytime I wanted; to fish, swim, whatever." Eli pulled out a key and unlocked the front door. "He has someone come out here twice a month to clean and mow. Eventually, this will be mine."

  "Oh wait! This is the house we went to one time that summer in elementary school, right?” Eli nodded and she continued, “Well it's very pretty. I didn’t remember it until now. I think having a lakefront property is really neat," Bonnie said, crossing the threshold into the house.

  It housed all the comforts of any regular home. The living room was fully furnished, with a bookcase in the corner full of antique hardcover books and knick knacks. A medium-sized flat screen TV hung on the wall opposite of the khaki colored leather couch. A shelf joined the entertainment console that housed a DVD player and cable box. The air smelled like vanilla and clean linen.

  Bonnie walked over to the floor-to-ceiling bookcase. It was custom built and massive. Books always drew her like some sort of invisible magnet. While she was browsing, Eli walked into the adjoining kitchen. He powered on the CD player sitting on the kitchen counter. Michael Bolton's soulful voice filled the room singing, "When a Man Loves a Woman."

  Through the bar cutout, Eli saw Bonnie freeze as the music started. She threw her head back and laughed. Eli smiled, like he always did when she laughed; it was such a comforting adorable, real laugh. It was infectious, loud and girly all in one.

  "Wow, Eli. No you didn't! Oh wow, I don't know if I should laugh or cry!" she exclaimed.

  "Will you just hush and dance with me?" Eli grinned and held out his hand. A week earlier he had borrowed the CD from Bonnie's mother, Cindy, after telling her his idea for their anniversary date. He knew that her favorite singer was Bolton and this was her ultimate favorite song.

  They danced then, a sweet and slow dance while Bolton crooned on. Bonnie closed her eyes and leaned her head against Eli's chest. She inhaled his faint scent of cologne. He smelled heavenly, just like always.

  "You are something else, Eli," she whispered.

  Bonnie looked up and kissed him gently. She still couldn't believe that five years had passed. Friends since the fourth grade, he had been her 'bodyguard' on the playground at recess. The first year of middle school saw them drifting away from each other. They weren’t in many classes together their sixth grade year. While Eli became involved in sports, Bonnie showed more interest in the fine arts. Her artistic talents blossomed as Eli’s athletic skills came out.

  During the middle of seventh grade they both attended a school dance. Bonnie was dancing with Steven Borman, who would’ve ended up as her boyfriend, when Eli cut in. He confessed his attraction and they had been a couple ever since. Unlike normal teenage romances, they had never split up or taken a break.

  "Five years already. We've been through a lot, haven't we?" Bonnie asked. The last five years saw among other events: the divorce of Bonnie's parents, Eli breaking three different bones playing football, and Bonnie's rise to fame as an artist.

  "If I died this very instant, I would die a happy guy. Five years isn't anything, compared to us being together a lifetime. I love you so much, Bonnie," Eli whispered breathlessly. He stopped dancing, picked Bonnie up and carried her to the bedroom. He was so nervous and felt his heart beating wildly. This is it, he thought.

  Bonnie laughed as Eli carried her. He was always picking her up, always making her feel so protected. So loved and wanted. She found herself always wanting to be near him. She feared that it was something that had become an obsession.

  They made it to the bedroom and stopped at the doorway. Bonnie looked inside the room and her breath caught in her throat. She was amazed. On the bed, there were rose petals spelling out the question: Marry me?

  She finally caught her breath and let out a little gasp. Eli put her down on her feet and got down on one knee. He brought out a small black box from his pocket. When he looked up, he saw that Bonnie had a single tear running down her cheek. His heart was going off like jack hammer.

  "Bonnie, I love you so much. I know we're young, but I also know that I don't want anyone else but you. Will you -"

  "Yes!" Bonnie exclaimed, cutting his question short. She immediately clapped her hand over her mouth. "Oh, I'm sorry, I cut you off. But yes, yes I will marry you. I love you! I love you so much!"

  Eli rose from his knee and laughed as Bonnie threw her arms around him. They kissed and Eli fell gracefully onto the bed, pulling Bonnie with him.

  A year ago, on their fourth anniversary they had taken each other's virginity. It had been one of the most amazing and scariest moments of each of their young lives. Eli had wanted to do it ever since the beginning of high school, when his hormones started making appearances. Bonnie wasn't ready and so he waited. His love for her was stronger than any desire he had and any joking he endured.

  They made love now, on the antique wooden bed. This time was slow and magical just like the other times. Time had taught them things about each other. They moved in rhythm as if their bodies were made specifically for one another. Afterwards, Bonnie nestled her head against his chest. Neither of them said anything, they were both lost in their own thoughts about the future.

  Six Months Later

  "I don't understand what your problem is, Eli. Why are you so moody? You know I can't help if I don't know what's wrong," Bonnie said, clearly exasperated. The tension in the air was thick and she was at her wit's end. She had arrived at his house ready for the movies. He had met her in a horrible mood, something that was becoming more frequent.

  "Maybe I don't want your help, Bonnie. I don't understand why you have to always try to fix things, like you're my mom. Some things just can't be fixed," Eli said. He took out a cigarette and lit it. He had picked up the habit a month before. While s
he didn't agree with it, she had never chastised him about it.

  "Well, I'll leave if you want. I don’t have a problem doing that if it means I won't be unjustly attacked just because you're suffering from PMS." Bonnie retorted.

  She tried to put on a brave front, but in reality she was scared. She was scared to death. They hardly ever fought, and when they did, a panic set in and wouldn't let go until it was over. She knew the statistics of high school sweethearts. Young couples hardly ever made it after high school. Somehow she and Eli always made it through the rough times, but the rough times were happening more often.

  She stood in front of him and stared. Finally, she reached into her purse and grabbed her keys. He avoided eye contact and took a drag of his smoke. Minutes passed by and Eli didn't say a word. He finished his cigarette and threw it on the ground. Bonnie sighed and turned around.

  "I cheated on you," Eli confessed in a whisper. Bonnie felt her heart stop. She turned around slowly but didn't say a word.

  "About a month ago at that graduation party I went to with Eddie. I was drunk. I told you I slept over at his house, but I really passed out at the party. I woke up next to some chick. I don't remember all of it, but I know I cheated on you." His words tumbled out fast, while he stared at the ground.

  She felt like she was drowning. The acid in her stomach started lining her throat. She wanted to be mad, but the only emotion her heart allowed her to feel was anxiety and fear.

  She took a deep breath and said, "Okay, well we…we can get through this. Okay? Shit happens, right? You always say that," her voice faltered. She felt light headed. She took a step toward Eli, but he stepped back.

  Agony hit her heart hard. He never pulled away from her, never in five and a half years. Finally, he looked up, and his eyes showed a mixture of pain and humiliation.

  "No," he spoke softly, "I need time to think."

  Bonnie started to feel dizzy, her heart pounded in her chest. "Have you been cheating on me with her? Are you wanting to be with her?" tears started trickling down her face. She didn’t make a move to wipe them away.

  "No B, nothing like that. It was just that one time. But for me to do that… it just means something's wrong. My heart isn't in the right place. Now that you know, we can't just act like it never happened. I just need time and space to think," Eli said.

  His voice was calm and steady. He was relieved that his secret was out in the open. It had been eating away at him all these weeks. That girl’s face would fill his mind every time he was with Bonnie. Uncontrollable sobbing wracked Bonnie's slim body and she slumped to the sidewalk. She felt Eli's strong arms go around her, but it was different this time. They were stiff and awkward. They sat that way on the ground for a while.

  "I...I can feel my heart breaking, Eli,” she stammered. “I want to go home. Please take me home," she finally said in between sobs.

  Eli's body went rigid. She was in so much pain, it wasn't right. He picked Bonnie up and put her in the front seat of her Dodge Neon. She curled up like a baby and continued to sob.

  When they arrived at Bonnie's, Eli carried her up the front porch steps and rang the doorbell. Cindy came out looking confused and worried.

  "Elijah, what happened? Is she okay?" the slight framed woman grabbed her teenage daughter from Eli's hands and held her as if she were an infant. "Open the door so I can get her in the house. And for the love of God, tell me what the hell is going on!”

  Inside, Cindy laid her daughter on the couch and straightened up, "Now tell me what happened. Is she hurt? Did y'all have a fight?"

  Eli tried to speak, but instead started crying himself. Cindy pulled him to her and he buried his face into her shoulder. "It’s okay, baby. Whatever happened, it'll be okay," Cindy whispered, patting Eli’s back.

  "I cheated on her Ms. Cindy. At that graduation party I went to. I had to break up with her. I need some time to think," Eli croaked. He pushed himself away from Bonnie's mom and aggressively wiped his eyes and grabbed a folded up note from his pocket.

  "Please give this to her when she calms down. I'm really sorry."

  He ran out of the house and down the sidewalk. Like Bonnie, he could fee his heart ripping in two.

  That night, after her mother had finally fallen asleep, Bonnie opened the note. Her head was aching, her eyes swollen from hours of nonstop crying. Her hand shook as she held the note and read:

  Bonnie,

  This is my prayer for you:

  That you laugh more than you cry.

  That you love more than you hate.

  That you have less fear and more confidence.

  I pray that you realize you are the most beautiful girl ever. You are perfect for me, but I'm not right for you. Not right now. I hate letting you go. I know it's for the best though. It's going to hurt you and it's going to kill me. But I have to. I just have to. I pray that one day you'll forgive me. You will always have my heart. I pray that you remember THAT always.

  I'm so sorry.

  Eli

  PS We will be together again. I know it in my heart. Just be patient with me.

  Chapter One

  Six Years Later

  "Don’t turn it to channel 7, Nikki just texted me. Apparently that slimy entertainment channel is doing a story about you and Mick," my sister quietly says, not looking up from her phone as she quickly types a text message. Tatum looks as tired as I feel. Her usual bright sky blue eyes are surrounded by purple bags and her dark blonde hair hangs limply in a lazy ponytail.

  I heave a sigh and sink down on the couch by my mom's bedside.

  "Those people make me so mad. Always being nosy, never giving anyone privacy they deserve," Mama says her voice hoarse. The breathing tube they removed earlier scratched her throat. A half full bottle of sore throat spray sits on her tray off to the side.

  "Don’t I know it Mama? Don't worry, I'm used to it. There are more urgent matters at hand. They'll get bored," I reach over and smooth her graying hair out of her face. The heart monitor beeps are steady.

  A week earlier, Mama had been involved in a near fatal car accident. She was trapped inside the car, and the jaws of life were used to cut her out. I was a thousand miles away when it happened and I hopped on the next available flight to be by her side. Miraculously, she survived without any permanent damage. Mama credits God not having Heaven ready yet for her. She had been in ICU for a few days before they deemed her fit for a private room.

  "Well, let them interview me. I'll tell them exactly what's on my mind. That inconsiderate sack of crap tried to forbid you to see your own dear Mama." She closes her eyes, takes a few deep breaths and is out in an instant. The medication the physicians has her on tires her quickly. I say a silent 'thank you' because at the moment I just don't want to hear anymore negativity. My head feels like mush and my heart is on the defensive after Mick was brought up.

  "Lord forbid any reporters talk to her. She'll have them repenting for their sins in an instant." Tatum jokes as she stands and stretches. "You want to come have dinner with me? It’ll be my treat." My little sister cocks her head to the side and gives me a lazy grin.

  I nod and we leave the room. It's weird being home after so long on the road. The town has grown immensely, the traffic has gotten worse. Everything seems almost clogged and claustrophobic. Even the hospital, the same one I was born, has built on and been expanded. Not, only had I changed, but my hometown was completely different as well.

  "So have you talked to him? Has he apologized or anything?" Tatum asks shyly. She doesn't like to bring Mick up. It’s too soon and she knows I don’t care to talk about him, not yet anyway. Tatum is smart beyond her years and extremely sensitive to others around her. She’s always had that gift.

  "No he hasn't, but that's ok. I'm glad it happened...not mom's accident, but the break up. I think it was way past due." I reply quietly, lost in my own thoughts.

  Mick Jones had been my boyfriend for the past five years. We met at a local bar where his band headlined on
e night. Shortly after, they hit it big and signed a record deal. Mick begged me to come on the road with him and so I did. I packed a small suitcase and took off with him. I shocked Mick, my mom and sister and myself.

  Things were good for a long time. Being with a rocker was an equal mix of extreme dramatics and extreme chill. I was infatuated with Mick and carelessly threw myself into our relationship. Mick had some contacts and helped my career as an artist. I ended up creating the cover of their album and won some high spirited praise from the art world. Now we had split up. The past few months had been rough and full of fighting. The equal drama/chill relationship took a nosedive to total dramatics 24/7.

  When my mom had her accident, I told him I was going to go home for an undetermined amount of time. This sparked a huge argument and Mick gave me an ultimatum. He did not want me to go, and it was either him or my mom. I chose my mom.

  Gossip spreads quickly in the music industry. An hour after I boarded my plane, the news of our break up was already on TV and the radio. I never liked being a celebrity's significant other and always tried to keep private. Still, people knew who I was, and they knew we had split up.

  My sister knew about our break up via technology before I even broke the news to her personally. Giving up that part of my life was going to be easy. But having that part give up on me would prove difficult it seemed.

  "It's still weird seeing you on TV and hearing people talk about you like they know you. Before you landed, someone on the radio said you cheated on him. I was so mad. I almost called the radio station to set the record straight," Tatum says as we get ours trays and pick our food.

  "Girl, I know. Believe me; it's weird for me too. The rumors hurt a lot, but you just learn to live with them. After a while they don't bother you as much." I reply as we sit down.

  We eat our dinner quickly, inhaling the tasteless hospital cafeteria food. We clear our trays and start back to the elevators.

  "What about all your stuff? Are you going to move back in with Mama?" Tatum asks.